Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Q & A

Since I posted about the dreaded day in January when it was decided that the Nephew would leave our home I have been asked a lot of questions.  So I thought I would take a few minutes and answer some of them.

1. Why Phoenix?

It was where he lived before with his mother and had made a few friends that he stayed in contact with. One was a boy that he actually wanted to live with (his mother wanted that too)but back ground checks that needed to be done on certain people didn't happen (clear indicator that maybe its not the best place to live if people don't want a check done on them) and the other was a girl, whom he had liked before and was itching to be "with" again. She is the girl that when he wasn't dating some one out here he would claim to be dating her, even though he never saw her just texting her.

2. What about school?

He withdrew from Combs and registered with Camelback.  I don't know if he is graduating since they were having to figure out some of his credits. Being a foster child he has the opportunity to go to a State school for 4 years pretty much free.  Not sure if he will since some things he hasn't done.  Like 2 years of a foreign language or a GPA that they will accept him.  At one point he thought he would just get in cause of being a foster which we reminded him no he still needed to apply so his grades he needed to keep up and get a better GPA.  According to his Independent living agreement in order to still receive money once graduated from High school he must be full time student in college or part time student/part time job.  No he has no job as of yet so if he doesn't get one the money will change then too.  

3. The money that he was to get but wasn't ???

Yes when he turned 18 it was determined that he would switch to what is called Independent living.  So the monthly money we were getting directly from the State would now come to him and he would learn to pay rent and other bills like phone, food, clothes etc.  When he decided to move out he knew it wasn't coming yet and that it would take a few months to get it but instead of waiting he had to leave and so then had to rely on others because of his choice.  Which like I mentioned before I don't  think should have happened because he knew what he was doing but he also knew that certain people would just take care of his $$ problems and they did.  He has started to receive money and yet he still owes us almost $600 dollars that he AGREED to pay to us as soon as he received his money and of course HAS NOT.   He even posted on FB that he is getting a car and will come to visit down here.  A CAR?!!? well at least we know what he is doing with the money now!

4. Any contact?

Only with our son.  Which is fine.  Our family doesn't need to have his name mentioned in our home.  If it ever does we all get quiet and pause for a second like we are all reliving events and then we leap over it and continue on.  He said he was coming to visit friends about a month or so ago and ended up staying with the ex girl friend he was told not to see.  A few of the friends were upset by this but in true Nephew form he says what they want to hear and then doesn't follow through.  He is saying he wants to attend our son's graduation which I am not to happy about but its for my son so I will be polite and not say anything.

5. How are your kids doing?

For the most part they are adjusting him being gone.  Certain things are being noticed like how much more involved certain people were in our lives while he was here and now that he is gone it is less.  They realized just how much he got when being here.  Like asking for things and always getting them, he did it and did it often. Cause that is what he knows(to him getting things means love). It was noticed all the attention he got during his basketball phase, all the photos and videos of him. It was hard on them to see the attention he got.  But they also understood that he craved the attention and when it wasn't happening or enough he would do things to get it.   

6. Any thing from his Mom to you guys for taking care of him?

No we haven't heard from her at all.  I don't really think we will either.  It may come up later in life, maybe when she is out of prison but for now not hearing from her is totally fine.

7. The rest of his family?

His older brother is living his life in Washington state with a girlfriend and last time I knew his father lived with them also. The nephew has been to see his brother I am not certain about the  father (when living with us he said he wanted nothing to do with him) His sister decided to moved to Tennessee with a man who got her pregnant which I know now she has left him, told him he was loosing everything by leaving him, but really I don't think he sees it that way.  She is gone with the baby so he now has no responsibility for taking care of or providing for either of them. (how is that loosing?) She went for a visit to Washington to see the Brother and Father, and is now back in Arizona. I am sure she as seen the Nephew by now.  His mother is in prison and we just were told that she has about 1 1/2 year left.  It will be interesting to see how life plays out when she is out?  Will things change or fall back to the way they were? 

These are just a few of the most asked questions.  I would like to thank everyone for all the love and support we have received during this whole thing.  It means the world to us.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Time to catch up

I didn't realize it had been this long with out a blog post.
My lovely charger for my Mac died a very sad and painful death.  The sad part was the covering on the wires was coming off and then soda got dumped on it and the painful part was the cost of replacing it would be. However Thanks to my Dude he found me one that I didn't have to cut off my arm or leg for. So I am back, and after a few more depression days I am hoping to keep up on this blog.  I know I can do it from my phone but I don't exactly like the Blogger app its to hard to add pics and change fonts.
so let's catch up shall we (I will keep it simple swear)
Feb 26th my Mom and Sister took me out I can't really remember the totally real reason other than to cheer me up. 
I think we went to the flower market and then to lunch which we had my Dad show up for too ( when he got there he said I am here so now it will be paid for, what a funny guy) We ate at the Piggly at the Fair in Mesa. 
Omgosh you guys this place was super fun and good food too.
After eating a stuffed baked potato with turkey on top my Mom ordered deep fried Oreos!

Me and My Sister (aka ToneTones)

and my Mom and Dad doing what they always seem to be doing showing love as much as they can!
(I did find out that my Mom had thought about stealing me away for the weekend and take me to Disneyland to help cheer me up but things just didn't work out…That would have been the best but this was just as nice)

Feb 28 Eminem had a Band Concert.  It was so last minute that even I didn't know about it till that day.
They were awesome. They showcased what they are doing for Regionals and had some of the solos played too.

After we headed to Olive Garden for some girl time.
(thanks to ToneTones for the gift card we still had)

The first week of March was a low again for me and wouldn't it be fitting that I am scrolling through Pinterst to get some motivation that I find this…

Yup just what I need!!

Eminem had the opportunity to be in the Cultural Celebration for the opening of the Gilbert AZ Temple.  
The youth (1200) had been practicing since January for this.  
The week before they practice for like 15 hours it was insane and hot and lots of kids had allergy problems from the grass being so dry. It was amazing the photos that were posted (a cool note though that I noticed was the kids were asked not to use their phones in fact to leave them at home which a lot I think actually did) so it was adults posting fun again.

This is a view of the weekend before the Celebration.  The different colors are the different Stakes/Regions of the youth.  
The day of the actual Celebration is was suppose to rain and rain a lot!!  Now here is Arizona we love it when it rains cause it doesn't happen often.  People prayed for the rain to hold out till after and during the day practices they even considered to tape it and possibly just show it on TV. (it was being shown on TV since the grand scale was to much to have all the youth and leaders and TV people that they had people stay home to watch) But there was this opening over the field most of the day when you drove by you could see the gray and darkness just waiting to open up but this one spot was sunny!
Then it was time to start and when it started so did the rain! 
President Monson and President Eyring were both there and even told the kids this would be something they would never forget. 
I have asked Eminem to write in her journal about this and I think she has.  
The rain came and came and came the kids were soaked to the bone but in the video they are nothing but smiles cause they know what they are doing is important! 

Here is Eminem with her friend who is also and Em.  Their shirt color was light blue and on the front of it was the Moto for the Celebration which was LIVE TRUE.
I love picking them up from school and still seeing kids wearing these shirts. What pride they must have knowing what they did and  lived through.  
President Monson even mentioned it in this past (click here) General Conference 
If you would like to see the video of the (click here)
the video is long but so worth it!

Next was the General Women's Conference.
Whitealicious asked if Eminem and I wanted go with them.  I excitedly said yes of course!  This was the first time ever that the Conference was open for all girls from the age of 8 and up to attend! How awesome it was to see those young faces sitting with their mom beaming about being there.  

It was a wonderful Conference!  After the prayer we scurried out as fast as we could and went to dinner. It is fun to be out and happy (I sometimes forget it happens) 
This is me and Eminem after all the fun

That was most of Feb and some of March. I am on to finish March and start in to April.  Also have had lots of questions about the Nephew so I may do a post answering so questions.  


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

From my journal

Entry from my DayOne Journal~~~~ Laying in bed at 4pm. What is wrong with me this depression is killing me. I have to kick it in the butt and soon. I hate the me I am when I am like this. My home is better now with just my five in it. So why why why can't I just be the happy me I used to be. Or was I ever happy? Really?~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hard to type, hard to see, and harder to understand.  I have happy moments sure and I am trying to find as many as I can to help with this "slush" in my life. 

Tomorrow I get to have a day out with my Mom. We are going to Phoenix to get supplies for upcoming Proms and Mother's Day stuff.  Here's to a happy tomorrow! 

Monday, February 24, 2014

Gilbert Temple

We decided to take the family to see the new Gilbert, Az temple. Eminem was going to work a shift during the open house putting shoe coverings (aka booties)on all the people who would be going through on the tours.  So I planned our family's tour to be about the same time. 
I have been to one other open house back when I lived in 
Rome, New York it was to the Toronto Temple in Canada about a year and half before we moved.  Most of the time we lived there the temple that was the closest to us was the 
Washington D.C.temple. So having one a bit closer was nice and in another country was cool too.  
The Gilbert temple is one of 6 in Arizona. (back in 1991 when my family moved here there was only 1)so now to have 6 is amazing.  The Church is growing by leaps and bonds in these the last days.  
I am forever grateful for a family that is eternal and forever!
While walking through I thought about my kids and all the great memories that will possibly be made in this actual temple with them like missions and marriages.  It's exciting.  

Here is Eminem looking as beautiful as ever.  She signed up for being a helper during the tour and I asked if she wouldn't mind if I tagged along.  So her and I went back after our tour and lunch with the guys (Dude, Bugs & Bugaboo).  We walked as a group up to the temple and got a few instructions of what to do and just as we were getting ready to work our shift I was waved up to the front door by our supervisor.  I walked over and was asked if I could take an usher's place at the front door letting the tour groups in after they got their shoe coverings.  I said yes of course but was so nervous too.  So as the groups got the coverings their tour guide would wait at the front door with me and then I would get a nod from the inner door usher so I could let the group in.  It was interesting to watch the different people walk thru the doors.  Some you could tell were LDS and others you could tell were there to almost defiantly walk through.  Which was hard to see but I just kept a smile and welcomed them all the same.  Some points I remember 
1. Some little children didn't like the shoe coverings on their feet almost as much as having to sit on Santa's lap.
2. Some loved taking a quick photo of the shoe coverings for Facebook or Instagram.
3. One guy was so disgusted with the shoe coverings he told the missionaries he was with it was insulting to put plastic over his $400 shoes. (good grief guy really) 
4. A lot of older people were amazed about the temple commenting on the amount of money that must go into the temple and how it would be better used to feed the masses or help the poor.  (another good grief --do they really not know the  amount our Church does around the world in relief).  
5.  One lady walked right up to the door dressed in church attire but had a few tattoos and some piercings and stopped.  She started crying and taking deep breaths I asked her is she was ok and she just whispered that she didn't know if she could go any further.  I said sure you can.  She looked at me with tears and said I never thought I would come back.  I said well you made it now go enjoy it and come back often. (WORDS TO LIVE BY!)
This sunday it will be dedicated and will only be open for LDS members whom have a recommend to enter. I hope to be one of those people and can go often and receive the blessings that come from attending.  If you are interested in knowing more about the LDS church click here LDS

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Corsage savant?

There are many things in this world that make me feel happy, as I am learning. But this is something when I quit working at the Flower Shop I thought I would be so happy to be done with.  However it seems to be something I actually like doing. Sure I agonize over what to put in them, will others like them, and will they ever ask AGIAN for another one.  I try to make something so unique that is creates a stir of emotions from people. It could be amazement, astonishment and yes even envy!  AND SO IT ANOTHER THING THAT NOW MAKES ME HAPPY!  What a blessing to recognize a talent that I have been given and the ability to use it for good. Here is the latest one I got to make it is for a little lady who is going to a dance with her Daddy. 
I hope you find things that make you happy. 

Thursday, February 20, 2014

And then there were 5!

This has been the one blog that I have put off far to long. It stresses me thinking about it and gives me sick feelings, like at this moment I want to go crawl into bed and sleep instead of having to think about it.

Could it really be that bad well for me yes!
I have a lot in my head and may forget a few things and may also jump around in timeline time but that's just how crazy my life has been about all of this.  
I have to finally blog it so I can move on and heal completely.
If any of this makes some mad or distressed I am sorry but I am already mad and distressed about this whole thing so join me.

Back at the beginning of 2011 Dude received a call from out of the blue from his sister. (she doesn't have a nickname but I guess it could be Prisoner1-it works so lets get back to it)
She called saying that she needed us to take in her youngest son because her oldest was aging out of Foster Care and would be leaving Canyon State (a place that takes in young men who seem to think rebelling is cool and help them see a better way.) and that she wouldn't be able to take him since she had a prison sentence coming soon and didn't want him to have to go to shelter or group home. Dude came to tell me about the phone call and we talked about it and talked to the kids about it too. We also talked to my parents and my Dad said we will treat him just like the others and of course would support us. (I have great parents BTW).  Dude's parents said they didn't want to take him into their home  but would help us with ANYTHING if we did do this.  The kids said sure cause he is family and we take care of family when ever.  (RIGHT??) Dude and I discussed things that we would expect from him if he did live with us.  The main two were… He would go to school every day and get good grades and graduate (see his 8th grade year is almost non existent since he pretty much never went and was living with prisoner1 at the time who had better things to do than be a mother, and no one in his family have actually graduated from high school -mother, father, brother and sister)
next would be he would go to church with us and seminary and mutual with the other kids. He agreed to all of it. So with Prisoner1 going to jail in early June we signed paper work and went through background checks and a home inspection and the Nephew was allowed to come live with us. 
Most people have looked a Nephew as a poor kid who just got the bad end of a deal cause of his parents, and while yes that is very true he by no means is a poor kid either.
So the nephew came just as summer had started and it seemed best since he would be able to adjust to home life and then school in a few months.  It all seemed to be just the right fit.  Our oldest Bugs and Nephew are just 3 months apart so yes it meant I had 2 soon to be 16 year old boys in my home.  
During a meeting in that first month in our home CPS workers came and Prisoner1 and her other son came.  She was not nice at this meeting claiming that if she didn't go to jail that she wanted his back with her.  It was a horrible to hear her talk, like the Nephew was just a piece of property.  I got a bit momma bear about it cause I knew that him living with her he would never get what he needed from life.  The CPS worker said that it was not even an option for her to have him back.  Her going to prison was going to happen even if she kept some how putting it off and off and off. (finally at the end of the year she went into prison and will be there for at least 5 years possibly longer I think) 

He was quiet very quiet and never really talked to Dude or me directly, he would always go through Bugs.  It was maddening to hear him mutter things and when you asked what he said he turned away, and then maybe 5 minutes later Bugs was coming to ask something for Nephew.  Bugs got to a point that it drove him crazy to and told him to just ask us himself.  
During that first summer he complained about his wrist that he had hurt while at Canyon State but that they checked it and said it was fine.  So I made an appointment for the Dr and found out that it had been broken.  So we had to go see a specialist and he told us that he could fix it two ways.  Wear a cast for up to 5 months and let it heal or have surgery done and wear a cast for 2 months.  I told Nephew it was his choice.  He choose to wear the cast (cause that meant going to school and being not just the new kid but having a cast too would be all the more attention to him) we got home that first night and he hated the cast and the next day said he wanted to have the surgery. I was not happy, so I told him wear it till your next appointment and then we can talk about you changing your mind.  So at the 1 month appointment when  the Dr said there was no change and went to put another cast on I said Nephew "didn't you want to have the surgery now?" He looked a deer in the headlights said "oh yea can I?" (little things like this happened the entire time he was here say one thing and then say something else then change it again, I know kids and people in general do this all the time I know I do it too but the way he did it and about what he was doing it was the maddening part)
So we had the surgery so he would be ready to play basketball at school hopefully.  
I won't give a day by day for the rest of this blog it would take way to long so here are points that stand out
When we first took the Nephew in we were encourage to become actual Foster Parents since Kinship Foster doesn't receive the funds like a actual Foster parent does.  We were also told that since we were Kinship and he was already living with us it would go much faster getting it done.  Come to find out that is not true at all.  So for the first year we were given 53$ a month to take care of this 16 year old and 21$ of it was his allowance that the State of AZ gives Foster kids.  So we actually only had 30$ to feed and take care of him.  I had just quit my flower shop job earlier in the year thinking it would help with our youngest (for school) and now with nephew here to I needed to be home. 
Savings were depleted we struggled but with the help of family and a great church Ward we kept moving forward.  
Everyday got a bit easier adjusting to having a 6th person in our home.  We got an extra chair to be able to sit at the table to eat. I had to make extra food cause he was a 2nd and 3rd kind of kid when it came to dinner. 
Back to becoming Foster Parents--This is my experience remember so if you have been or are a Foster I congratulate you!  Our experience was one that has made me for sure never want to be one again EVER!  We struggled to find an agency (you have to go through an agency the STATE doesn't do that part of Foster but the STATE will tell you what you can and can't do!) We found one in Mesa and were then told there was a 10 week class that met one night a week for 3 hours for those 10 weeks, we told them no we were a Kinship foster and would be fast tracked though and not have to take classes.  They very so politely told us that was not the case everyone must attend these classes in order to be licensed Foster parents.  So we had to drive in to Mesa for 10 weeks to be at a class that met from 6-9 pm.  Ugh it was the worse cause then we had to turn around and get back home around 10 and be back up for Newspapers at 12:30 to deliver papers.  Dude had a hard time with the no sleep so I took over the papers myself as much as I could so he could sleep since he had to work in the morning.  It was not easy but we did it.  10 weeks of classes that had NOTHING to do with us as a Kinship foster.  It was all based on people who will be taking children not related to them and etc.  Me and Dude would sit there trying not to get upset but the whole car rides home we would just let it all out. Besides the 10 week classes (which by the way was no the State's choice, they wanted it done unlike 2 weekend classes, the agencies decided to make it 10 weeks.) We had to do another round of back ground checks,fingerprints, Dr appointments to show we were healthy to have the child, bank statements, questionnaires filled out about how we as children were taken care of (one questions asked how we were disciplined at the age of 0-3 years old 4-6 years old and so on) pictures of our family, the kids had to fill out questionnaire also, then our home had to be inspected a few times.  (WE THINK WE DID AND GAVE MORE INFORMATION FOR HIM TO LIVE HERE THAT WHEN WE BOUGHT OUR HOME OR A CAR) So after the 10 weeks of classes we were coming up on the Nephew living with us for almost a year. He never said thanks for doing all this so I can live here. 
We went on a vacation just after getting the 10 week class done it was our big trip we had been planning for the last 3 years to go to Florida with my whole family for parents 40th anniversary.  Yes we took the Nephew it was hard but we did cause it was important to include him in everything.  We even took family pictures(my whole side of the family)with him in them. 
Just before we left on this vacation the Nephew got a girlfriend.
From that moment on life in this home changed forever!
We noticed right away how different he was. That shy and oh poor never got to do anything fun Christian was just a fake front he had put on for all to see. 
We gave him a cell phone so he would be able to contact us when ready for rides since he had started playing basketball. We joked that Bugs was doing 3000 texts a month what would he do, he in all seriousness said "I will blow that away easy".  And he certainly did.  It was more like 8000-9000 a month.  He would text from the moment he woke up till the moment he went to bed.  On the weekends it was every single minute he was texting sometimes 2-3 texts a minute.  IT WAS INSANE! When we would talk to him about it he never had a reason and would say I will try to cut back.  That never happened.  It was like he couldn't stop.  He then started asking to go over to the girlfriend's house, which I never thought twice about. His grades slipped and when called out on it he would say oh you start out each semester with an F so I am having to catch up. Dude and I looked at each other with astonishment so I emailed teachers and got back the response of NO that was not the case.  So when we talked to him about it he then changed his answer.  Even denying what he had said before as a thats not what I meant.  
This is when it was realized just how much he lies.
Again I know kids lie sure, but mine don't so having one on a day to day basis do it right to my face was aggravating.
Then came the 2nd summer of his life here in our home.  We always have friends and family over for the Fourth of July since it is also Dude's Birthday.  Nephew asked if his girlfriend could come over for it. We said yes of course she could.  Dude spoke with Bugs and Nephew about the right way to behave with girlfriends.
So that night it was clear that our talk was not listened too. Dude's Dad even spoke to Dude about what he kept seeing all night long.  The sitting so close it was like on top of each other, heads in laps, and kissing longer than needed.  We also received a letter from Dude's mother asking pretty much to the fact of what have we done letting him act this way.  When we spoke with Nephew we found out that he was a very sexually active person before living with us.  But that him and his girlfriend here had not done anything like that.  I returned an email to the in~laws letting them know this and that it was not us changing him into a sexually active boy that he came that way and we were trying to curb this at every possible point.  We also found out that the girlfriend lived with her Grandma and had pretty much unlimited free will.  So all those times he was over at her house…you guessed it Grandma wasn't home.  Then is was found out that yes they had become sexually involved.  It killed us.  Dude and I weren't prepared for this cause again our kids weren't in this place.  We thought the only thing we can do it limit them seeing each other checking texts and keeping better contact with the Grandma.  It all seemed to be working.  
We struggled with how do you teach a teenager how not to lie at every moment, not be so sexually involved and not always feel so self entitled.  We would ask for help and advise on these matters  and we prayed a lot! It helped at times.
I felt like I was going crazy trying to understand the whys and hows. If you are reading this and you got to hear me rant about stuff thank you for listening and helping me through.  The strain on our family started to change us all.  We used to do a lot as a family but that kind of stopped.  I would explain it as working with someone who always lied to your face and never helped out much but seemed to be the favorite of the boss.  That is how life with the Nephew was.  He lived here with us as part of our family but was then also treated differently or separately by certain people.  He never had any qualms about asking for things from the in~laws. It was hard on our kids they saw it but never said anything about it.  Why did Nephew get this or have that.  It was just the way it was.  When we needed extra help it was always there which was a relief but there were times where it was questioned which was hard.  Dude and I had many talks or arguments about him living here.  I was ready to have him gone.  It was killing me to have him here.  We had changed our whole lives for this one person to live with us bent over backwards for him to be here, we even had to renew the Foster license which was another round of run around.  We went 4 months with no State help again the strain on our family and finances was great.  But Nephew kept on lying about much and living here but not being apart of this family really.  It hurt knowing you have done so much.  
December of 2013 the Nephew turned 18.  Which meant it was time to start talking about what the Foster Care program calls Independent Living.  As long as he was living with us and going to school we would still receive money.  But when he was ready to sign the papers he would then receive money directly and would begin to pay us as a way to learn to be on his own paying bills and such. The only catch was he had to have grades of C or higher which he NEVER was able to have and go to counseling.  See we realized that the Nephew needed help with emotions and learning about love and why lying was and would be harmful.  I think he only knows love as getting things like it was with the girlfriend  or grandparents.  If I am getting something that means they love me.  That was a bit of an eye opener to finally see. 
Then January 10 it was before we left for papers the Nephew came to Dude and asked to move out.  It was a shock.  He only had 3 months left of school why ruin it.  Dude said yes.  When he told me I asked why now.  Sure I was happy it was asked but again why now. So Sunday we sat him down and asked him why now. I was not going to let him get away with lying this time.  I called him on everything.  He at one point said that he didn't like the rules we had set for him. Or that we didn't trust him.  So I asked when he went to live with his friend what would he do.  He said I would help around the house and follow her rules.  I then said so you will follow her rules but not ours?? Makes little sense right. He got all flustered and just quit talking and said what ever Shana yea what ever.  It was the worse talk we had with him.  So Dude asked him to write it down on papers why he was leaving.  Wow what a reason he gave and how fake.  Another thing Nephew learned in his life was to always say what people wanted to hear not what he actually thought or believed.  It was a trait he learned from his mom I am sure and that his brother and sister also use.  Monday morning January 13th I got home from papers is was about 3:30 in the morning I was checking on some things with Verizon but needed to reset the phone Nephew uses.  It was again with a lock code which he had been asked over and over not to do.  I woke him up and had him unlock it.  I fixed what I needed to and then decided to check his messages to maybe find out what the real reason was for leaving.  It was another disappointment, his conversation with his new girlfriend (a girl who lives in Phoenix and has wanted to be with since moving all the way out here)about how horrible we were for asking for money for him to keep living here when we never asked of that before. That family was suppose to take care of each other always.  He let this go on and on her tearing us apart making us look like horrible people, never once saying no to any of the things she said.  The comment he came up with IT IS WHAT IT IS!  Not I need to pay them cause the money now comes to me instead of them, and all the other things we had done.  IT IS WHAT IT IS!  Wow. I woke Dude and said you need to read this.  More than anyone in this family Dude had always hoped for the best in him.  Always defending him.  And yet here again the Nephew treating us like dirt.  I sent a message to the girlfriend just letting her know that what she was thinking was totally incorrect.  I set her right.  Well the Nephew wasn't happy with it.  And when he questioned me about it and started to say horrible things to me I turned into a stark raving mad lady! I lost it, and lost it huge! I look back and am not happy with what happened or what was said but it happened and it is done. Dude had his parents come and get the Nephew and I packed him up while he was at school for that last day.

I know that since him moving out he has needed help since he isn't getting the money he needs since he probably isn't getting the grades or going to counseling.  He knew it may take a few months to get the money. Yet he chose to leave early how is he going to learn to be on his own if he keeps getting more help.  I would never not help someone but I know that if someone chooses something they need to be in charge of themselves and stand on their own, not others bank accounts. 
There are many examples of the past 3 years that hurt our family in so many ways but to go over them on here isn't needed. I have said much.  It is done I need to be done with it.  
Time to heal and heal we are doing.           

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Thanksgiving and Christmas 2013

The two favorite holidays of the year and I pretty much missed them both.  I was there for them but as for lots of photos and memories not so much.  I have reasons that in my mind make it ok but to the record keeping for my family it isn't ok. 
So Thanksgiving was at my Mom's this year. She got this table that she has been dying to have everyone sit around and have a nice meal together.  Thanksgiving is hard on our family since we as you know throw newspapers and Thanksgiving is the biggest one of the year! So getting up in the morning and having to look happy about being up that early is hard and then have to drive into Mesa is just long and long!  But we made it and it was a great time.  (again no photos sorry) My grandma and grandpa Scott made it which was so nice, my kids have always called them grandma and grandpa Walkerman.  It is from the the tv show Walkerman with Chuck Norris any way he wore a cowboy hat and my kids always saw grandpa with one to so the name stuck and even now years later they still refer to them as that.  
oh I do have some photos of my Chalking that I did of Thanksgiving

I have always like writing on things, and chalk is fun to use.  One day I would like to think I would have a business that I did chalking for others and my whole family helped with it. 
Dreams baby Dreams!!!
Me and Bugaboo at the Christmas concert
Eminem had a Christmas concert I remember that and it was beautiful as always.  Her Director Mr W, is AWESOME!  He challenges the kids at every moment.  I really like that about him.  Cause even when she is upset and I say she can quit if she wants she keeps going cause she knows it's the best thing.  She has had Mr. W since 5th grade and they have become good friends over the years 
She play the bass clarinet in the Wind Ensemble.
This is Eminem with the tallest bass clarient player ever (we will call him J)
See what I mean TALL!!!!
One cool thing that happened during the concert was I got to quietly FaceTime with my Mom and Dad who were in Texas visiting my Brother Alan and his family.  So instead of seeing me I pointed it at the concert so they could hear a song or two.
It worked great, Thanks for FaceTime Apple!!
Here is my Chalk for Christmas

And here is our Christmas Tree.  Bugs does the decorating of it cause it stresses me to much.

He always does a great job!
The only other exciting thing that happened was Eminem got a guinea pig.  It was tiny and didn't eat much or do much and one fateful night she had it out on the couch with her and it scurried across the back of the couch and Rufus (2 year old Beagle) decided it was a toy and full on tried to bite it to like carry it off like a bone.  It was so sad we held it trying to comfort it, I thought it had the hiccups, but then it looked straight up and tried to take a breath it was then I realized it was gasping for air not having the hiccups.
I quickly called Dude and asked him what to do.  We decided to call Petsmart and see what they would say. They were so nice and said we could bring it in and get another if we wanted to.  We left it up to Eminem, at first I don't think she wanted to have another one but when we got there her heart needed that spot healed and so we got another one.  This new one she named Tonto.  She loves Johnny Depp and so anything he has played was a possible name for the pig.  Tonto was chosen because the pig has some black lines around one of his eyes.  I then gave him the name Tonto D2.  play on words sure (I do love star wars too)
He has been a fun pet.

There you have it Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled up neatly and blogged.


Tuesday, January 21, 2014


Have you ever been to Time of For Women?
Me either until this year when my friend, Whitealicious, asked 
if Eminem and I would like to go.  I was so excited to be
asked and nervous too. These ladies sure know how to have fun.  It was truly amazing.

A cool part of this weekend was they had a version for 
teenage girls too.  So my Eminem got to go with.
She had just as much fun as I did.

The talks were just what I needed to hear
and the music and singing was fun too.
I can't thank Whitealicious enough for asking 
me and Eminem to go.  It was the best time ever.

State Fair…2013

we went to the Arizona State Fair this year.
We played a few games went on a ride and ate lots of 
unhealthy food.  
a few of us were not so interested 
in the farm animals

Eminem really wanted to win a Minion, 
and after much trying and trying she got one.
Here is Dude and Eminem having a go at
the water gun game.
The Nephew would only try the basketball game
I didn't get pics of it cause 
he kept going off to
try with out us watching him.  
(guess it made him nervous)

Dude won the grumpy Minion and gave it to 
Bugs who in turned gave it 
to KiKi.

It was a great time and the weather was wonderful.  

Yes this happened(back in October).  I can't say why I did it but I enjoyed having it done.  My mom wasn't so sure about it and rightly so but I said "Shana you're an adult now it is ok".  It was either pink or blue.  It is all washed out now and maybe the blue will be fun like a winter theme.  Who knows!!!