Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Q & A

Since I posted about the dreaded day in January when it was decided that the Nephew would leave our home I have been asked a lot of questions.  So I thought I would take a few minutes and answer some of them.

1. Why Phoenix?

It was where he lived before with his mother and had made a few friends that he stayed in contact with. One was a boy that he actually wanted to live with (his mother wanted that too)but back ground checks that needed to be done on certain people didn't happen (clear indicator that maybe its not the best place to live if people don't want a check done on them) and the other was a girl, whom he had liked before and was itching to be "with" again. She is the girl that when he wasn't dating some one out here he would claim to be dating her, even though he never saw her just texting her.

2. What about school?

He withdrew from Combs and registered with Camelback.  I don't know if he is graduating since they were having to figure out some of his credits. Being a foster child he has the opportunity to go to a State school for 4 years pretty much free.  Not sure if he will since some things he hasn't done.  Like 2 years of a foreign language or a GPA that they will accept him.  At one point he thought he would just get in cause of being a foster which we reminded him no he still needed to apply so his grades he needed to keep up and get a better GPA.  According to his Independent living agreement in order to still receive money once graduated from High school he must be full time student in college or part time student/part time job.  No he has no job as of yet so if he doesn't get one the money will change then too.  

3. The money that he was to get but wasn't ???

Yes when he turned 18 it was determined that he would switch to what is called Independent living.  So the monthly money we were getting directly from the State would now come to him and he would learn to pay rent and other bills like phone, food, clothes etc.  When he decided to move out he knew it wasn't coming yet and that it would take a few months to get it but instead of waiting he had to leave and so then had to rely on others because of his choice.  Which like I mentioned before I don't  think should have happened because he knew what he was doing but he also knew that certain people would just take care of his $$ problems and they did.  He has started to receive money and yet he still owes us almost $600 dollars that he AGREED to pay to us as soon as he received his money and of course HAS NOT.   He even posted on FB that he is getting a car and will come to visit down here.  A CAR?!!? well at least we know what he is doing with the money now!

4. Any contact?

Only with our son.  Which is fine.  Our family doesn't need to have his name mentioned in our home.  If it ever does we all get quiet and pause for a second like we are all reliving events and then we leap over it and continue on.  He said he was coming to visit friends about a month or so ago and ended up staying with the ex girl friend he was told not to see.  A few of the friends were upset by this but in true Nephew form he says what they want to hear and then doesn't follow through.  He is saying he wants to attend our son's graduation which I am not to happy about but its for my son so I will be polite and not say anything.

5. How are your kids doing?

For the most part they are adjusting him being gone.  Certain things are being noticed like how much more involved certain people were in our lives while he was here and now that he is gone it is less.  They realized just how much he got when being here.  Like asking for things and always getting them, he did it and did it often. Cause that is what he knows(to him getting things means love). It was noticed all the attention he got during his basketball phase, all the photos and videos of him. It was hard on them to see the attention he got.  But they also understood that he craved the attention and when it wasn't happening or enough he would do things to get it.   

6. Any thing from his Mom to you guys for taking care of him?

No we haven't heard from her at all.  I don't really think we will either.  It may come up later in life, maybe when she is out of prison but for now not hearing from her is totally fine.

7. The rest of his family?

His older brother is living his life in Washington state with a girlfriend and last time I knew his father lived with them also. The nephew has been to see his brother I am not certain about the  father (when living with us he said he wanted nothing to do with him) His sister decided to moved to Tennessee with a man who got her pregnant which I know now she has left him, told him he was loosing everything by leaving him, but really I don't think he sees it that way.  She is gone with the baby so he now has no responsibility for taking care of or providing for either of them. (how is that loosing?) She went for a visit to Washington to see the Brother and Father, and is now back in Arizona. I am sure she as seen the Nephew by now.  His mother is in prison and we just were told that she has about 1 1/2 year left.  It will be interesting to see how life plays out when she is out?  Will things change or fall back to the way they were? 

These are just a few of the most asked questions.  I would like to thank everyone for all the love and support we have received during this whole thing.  It means the world to us.